After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
