Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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