She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
