i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
