You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
