cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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