just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
