i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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