What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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