do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up