i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.