his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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