Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
