Soap is not a condiment
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
