I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
