Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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