I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
