you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Randomize
