So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
