the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
