just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
