I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
