he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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