we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
