I'm lost and stupid without you.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
