dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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