I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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