Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
