he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize