so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
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were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
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The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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