he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
