he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
