I wanna bring you to show and tell
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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