Soap is not a condiment
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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