i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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