do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
