Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
