Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
