wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
