ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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