so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
