I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
