I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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