"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
