we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Randomize
