It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
