Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
