i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
