I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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