how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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