I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
