how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
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