I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
