We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
