The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
