She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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