I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
