Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
