Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
