census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
