remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
