During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I still have a little drunk in my system
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
