At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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