On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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