so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
