Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
