look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize