its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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