He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
