If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
