4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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