My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
